revisiting Ellis and Rotter

GUARNTEED MISERY— TWELVE SURE WAYS TO GUARANTEE A LIFETIME OF MISERY

Ellis came onto the psychological scene in the 1950′s with his irrational core beliefs.

Since that was over 60 years ago, I want to re visit my favorite author, lecturer and philosopher. I have taken Rotters “Locus of Control” and applied the rules that External people live by with Ellis Irrational Core Beliefs. Rotter, as you may remember talked about a External vs Internal Locus of Control. Internals believe they can change most of the situations in their life and Externals think life changes them.

Every maladaptive impulse we have can be traced to an irrational core belief.
Some layman may call these beliefs “attitudes.”

Ellis is mathematically and logically correct, as is Cognitive Behavioral Psyhcology.

In roulette, the odds of winning are 47% if you play red or black numbers. The same is true of odd and even numbers. This is very close to 50/50 chance of winning.

Good salesmen know that the odds of selling their product has a percentage build into it. They know if they have 20 leads, 2 are going to be sales. It may be more or less depending on their product and abilities. They know that every “no” will ultimately bring a “yes” their way.

Some bright people seem to understand the “nos” in life just mean a “yes” is somewhere on the horizon.
Helen Keller said that we are so obsessed with the door that closed in our life we don’t see the one that has opened.

Life has these same percentages invested in it. If your life is losing about 90% of the time or over 50% of the time, you need to change casinos. Something is mathematically out of balance. See if you identify with any of these irrational powerless beliefs.

How to have a miserable life, guaranteed!
1. My life is miserable, my childhood was rotten, and current life is full of bad luck, and this will never change for me, I am powerless to change hardly anything and this is unbearable.
2. Others are to blame for my misfortunes, my part in my misfortunes is to bear them as best as I can and prepare for more unpleasantness in my life.
3. Since others are to blame for my life situation, they must certainly take care of me, providing me with all necessities of life or they should be damned, destroyed or sent to hell.
4. Since life has stressed me out, I need things to give me a quick sense of happiness, no matter now fleeting. Others owe this to me and if they won’t give it, they should be forever damned and blamed.
5. Stress is so overwhelming for me, I can scarcely think of taking care of myself and working or providing something useful and productive for society.
6. I do not deserve my lot in life, it stinks and is grossly unfair. The Universe is unfair.
7. When I give my affection to others they usually misuse me and hurt me and they should be forever damned for this, for all my efforts in their behalf.
8. Those who succeed where I fail are either rich or know the right people, or have good luck
9. I am looking outside of me, for the one wonderful thing that will instantly and absolutely change my whole life around for the better, and will exclude all other sources of help as inferior and worthless.
10. If I cannot be happy, no one has the right to be either. They should understand my unhappiness and join in my misery. If they won’t be miserable too, they are evil and thoughtless.
11. If others do not recognized my greatness, and my efforts to help others, they are worthless, miserable creatures
12. WALLOWING IN MY MISERY GIVES ME MY SENSE OF PURPOSE AND IDENTITY and I will not give it up for anything. I WILL GO TO MY DEATH BEING A VICTIM AND FEELING VINDICATED IN MY HATRED.

me and my universe

Is There Something Greater than You in the Universe?  

another Key to Happiness.

When I do my counseling groups, sometimes I ask a group member to gooutside and grab a leaf off a bush or tree.  I live in Arizona and something is always green and growing.  When the person returns with the leaf, i hold it up to my class and ask,  "Can anyone in this room,or in the world who can create this living thing?"  I am not talking about growing a leaf, I am referring to making it from chemicals.  If any person could do this, I would then ask them "Now can you create the chemicals that made it?"  Can they create these things?  Nope.Can't even come close.


This indicates to me that something greater than me exists in the universe, an Intelligence in other words.  Most people who are happier and better adjusted have some idea of a Higher Power.  I would not presume to tell you what that is for you, but the research shows it is better for you to have some kind of Higher Power.Another thing that research demonstrates is the persons with more traditional value systems are happier.  People who adhere to moral values are better adjusted and report greater levels of contentmentthan those who life a "moral free, any goes" existence.  One thing to watch here (and the research is mixed here) about those who rigidly hold on to moral values--in other words, those who are too inflexible probably are headed for some trouble in their life. 


Children who livein traditional homes are happier if the rules are not enforced with hostility or anger.Rigidness is not healthy in other words.Finally, alone these lines, research shows a strong relationship between a willingness to forgive and higher levels of contentment and better physical health.  Those who tend to hold grudges report the opposite--in general.Here then are three clues to happiness:  a belief in a Higher Power,having more traditional values, and being willing to let go of grudges and resentments.  Try it.


email me for comments or if you need psychological help at planethelp1000@hotmail.com 

Change - Shift does happens

CAN YOU REALLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE?

The answer is "yes you can" but it takes a bit of work.  Realize though, there is no instant pill to take to transform yourself. Our society often looks for instant changes and answers.  Nothing worthwhile is going to happen immediately but you can start.

In this computer age,  we are mostly all aware of viruses and how they infect our computers, slowing the computer down or grinding it to a halt.  If you grew up in a perfect world with perfect caregivers, you would not have what are called "mental viruses."  Since most of us did not grow up in a perfect world, we have viruses or programing from our caregivers (usually parents) that cause us to act in unhealthy ways.

My father would say to me as a boy "you are going to be a millionaire when you are 21."  Sounds innocent, but I got the idea, that in order to earn my father's approval, I would have to become a millionaire before I was 21.  It forced me to try too hard and become too ambitious to the point that I would start businesses and destroy the business by being in a hurry and impatient--afterall I only had a limited time frame to become a millionaire.

I am not a happy person!  But I am not unhappy either.

I live in a center of neutrality (mindfully).  I realized that these mental viruses I inherited growing up are not me.

Most people never see beyond their programing and virus mentality.  Isn't that sad? 

It is almost like you have two distinct selves:  a true self (childlike, unselfish) and an untrue self (grasping, greedy, selfish).  Whe you visit an all you eat buffet, see how the untrue self reacts.  Secretly it thinks "I have got to each all I can so I get my money's worth."  Customers like this help put such places out of business.

The true self would probably think something like this "It is nice there are so many nice foods here to chose from, I am going to make healthy choices but still enjoy myself without overeating."

Watch your mental virus self--it often acts mindlessly.

By being in the NOW you give your self the choice of acting from your mindful true self or your mindless untrue self.

My Own Catalyst

         
How to bring real change in your life

Have troubling thoughts?  Resentments?  Realize by becoming still that you are not your thoughts.  They are information generated on you mind’s computer.  Learn to notice thoughts and not struggle and flounder with them.   Noticing  your thoughts requires a little stillness and practice. Meditation and being in the here and now is the first step.  Think of your memories as the operating system on a computer. That’s all they are, programing from the past.  Your memories are not real—are they?  The can only do your inner self damage if it believes they are real.

Imagine you are on the bank of a stream and watching the stream pass by.  Are you the stream?  No, you are the observer of the stream.  Your real YOU is the watcher of the stream.  Don’t be temped to jump in the stream and flounder with the things floating in the water.  If you become the one who notices your thoughts and feelings, you will develop greater self control.

Albert Ellis developed a psychology of exposing irrational belief systems.  Let’s look at one such irrational belief: 

“I must do well and win the approval of others for my performance or else I am a rotten, unlovable person.”  Sound like a silly idea right?  But we tend to have these beliefs in the back of our mind and they produce negative feelings, anger and resentment.  Ellis develop 12 irrational core belief that keep us unhappy.  Think of it this way.  If you start out for work tomorrow, and belief that every driver should be courteous, aware, and drive the speed limit.  When you arrive at work how will your feel with this irrational belief?  Pretty angry, right?  Start by noticing these irrational beliefs which lurk in your imagination.

Similarly, if you think you must be perfect in all way in your life and never make a mistake then you will generate self condemnation for even the smallest mistake you make.  And find your self working harder and harder to please others. 

Look for irrational core beliefs in your life.  We all have them and don't struggle with them, be in the here and now watch them float away down the stream.Titanic Wall Picture in intricate hand design

How This Blog Can Help

What this blog may and can do for you . . .

This blog is for the readers who desire self improvement.  Mapping changes in your life means gathering the right information and applying  it daily.  It takes a commitment on your part.

Where I grew up in Kansas, the farmers plant wheat in the fall.  It is called “Winter wheat.”  These little plants grow a few inches and weather through the winter. During the winter, there is a little rain and snow in western Kansas.  During the winter, these little wheat plants gather moisture from this meager rain and snow and store this in their root systems.  In the spring, when it warms up, they start to grow using the stored moisture.  When the harvest comes, the wheat goes to Denver to make beer.

Apply this scenario to yourself.  You may have been gathering “moisture” on how to change your situation all of your life.  Now, it is time to take this stored moisture and start growing in the sunlight.

To bring change to your life learn the value of being Mindful.  It is being in the Here and Now and not being judgmental.   Psychologist, Wayne Dryer states “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.” Judgment provides the Judger a life of poison.

How can anything change in the past or future?   When your mind dwells there, change is not possible.  If I am dwelling on past mistakes I have made, and make a life changing decision, how could it possibly be the correct one?  If I am worrying about the future, and make a decision concerning that, how can it possibly be the right one?  Sound decisions can only be made in the Here and Now. 

Being mindful or grounded, means you are always gently struggling with your mind pulling you into the past and propelling you into the future.  Learn to not let this happen.  Start practicing mindfulness RIGHT NOW.  There are 86,000 seconds in a day, each is another opportunity to be in the Here and Now. 

Now if you think I am full of manure, consider this: when you are driving do you want the other drivers on the road to be mindful? Or the opposite, “mindless”?  Does that answer your question?

Our mind can generate thousands of thoughts in a day.  Mindfulness gives us the opportunity to test reality in the split second of being in the here and now.  Start this today.  Send us your comments and questions.  Thanks.

about this blog

Life is 10% what happens to us . . .

                      And 90% how we deal with it.   

Do you really believe this?  I don't think most people out there roaming the streets would say this statement is true.  Some might want to say it might be 50/50.  Some people who live in an upside down world would say it was backwards, 90% what happens to us and 10% how we deal with it.

This blog is about reaching out and letting you change your life  by changing your beliefs and thought processes and the research proves it works!

A famous psychologist named Rotter in the 1960's investigated the idea of Internal vs. External Locus of control.  Locus means "point".  Rotter found by his research that those who believed they were in  controll of events in their life (internal) were far happier and healthier than those who believed their life was controlled by events from the outside (external).  What do you think about the 10%/90%?

Another famous psychologist named Maslow, said (also in the 1960's) the study of psychology should not be aimed at unhealthy people but healthy people.  Find those who are successful and happy and find out how they did it.  He coined the phrase self-actualiztion which means to find one's purpose in life.  If one believes that outside events are the cause of their internal events, are such people ever going to ask the question "why am i here, what purpose do i serve?"

If life is stressing you out right now and you are feeling overwhelmed and depressed to downcast.  Ask your self this question:  "Is life really about what happens to me or how I handle what happens to me."  if the answer is "what happens to me" come up, ask yourself this question:  "How do others not think this way?"  If others believe they are in some degree able to change and control their life--why can't you to?

The good news is that you can.   It takes investigation, and work.  Look carefully at what you believe in life.  Counseling is my profession.  Counseling  is not about listening to people's problems all day long,  it is about changing peoples' belief systems. Reaseach proves time and time again, when peoples belief systems (thought processes) have changed their life changes for the better, and they actually have less stress.  90% or 10%--it's your choice.